It Begins

Readers are warned that parts of *Lilah's accounts may have disturbing imagery. Readers under the age of 16 should be guided by a responsible parent or guardian.


She often cries. This is frowned upon in a land where sun is so abundant, even for a woman. She would be frowned upon as stupid or weak, crazy even. What else can she do holding a burden of a secret, she barely realised that she was keeping? She thought that it was common knowledge: what she went through. She had no idea of the 'Johari window' that bound her when she was a child and still as an adult. The name 'she' could be translated into *Lilah for ease and to prevent awkwardness of the reader.

*Lilah walks in shame as she wonders what her family thinks about her. She was an extremely gifted child. She was supposed to go to University, marry a well-to-do man and have one son and one daughter. Now she struggles to make a living, with jobs that sound prestigious but pay almost nothing. She rarely has the confidence to refuse jobs that make her feel like a doormat. She feels judged and always lacking.

*Lilah admits that she tends to keep away from her friends and family, something that they would hardly be able to understand. All they know is that this was bubbly, smart and confident girl barely looks the part anymore. What they do not know is that this break down of a façade was long being orchestrated. It pains her that she can never tell them the ultimate truth about her beginnings, because of fear of their disbelief.

The tears are always a blink away with her. As she recalls readily how her mother almost destroyed her life and is presently destroying her own. In a society that is still steeped in superstition and witchcraft and non-admittedly so, her mother never got the proper medical help that she deserved. She admits she watches some people walking through the town streets with their mothers and she has to look away, in jealousy. Why can't her mother go shopping with her on a sunny day and talk and laugh and trade things?

Instead, she has a story of what she refuses to call abuse. She uses the word mistreatment and neglect in it's stead. Her mother's secret weighs down on her as she has been made to sometimes be lumped or classed with her mother as one in the same. That sentiment that she swears she notices from even her family members hurts her too much, because to herself she is a woman that tried so hard to work and provide for herself from an age that she felt that she was able to.

She was conceived through a tryst that was never completed. One that would work to the advantage of her fundamentalist mother, who would go on to claim a miraculous conception.

Come by tomorrow for identifying the signs of Childhood Emotional Abuse, or for any age on that matter.

Sunday to Sunday series

Sunday to Sunday.

This is a new series that I am embarking upon. Translating accounts of Caribbean stories, that have little to do with sun, sea and sand, but everything to do with what goes on beyond the sand, when people go through rainy days.

The topic that I am about to delve into is an extremely serious topic. There will be some graphic accounts of a young lady that opts to remain anonymous, because of fear of familial embarrassment and rebuttals. I will break down events in her life that account for emotional abuse and manipulation from her mother *Patsy- a single parent. The young woman *Lilah is still in the process of coming to terms with her experiences and hopes to touch the lives of other young men and women who at present may be under the oppressive veil of abuse.

It is an account of key points and events in her life broken down into one week- Sunday to Sunday. I hope that the readers can respect the girl's request for anonymity. In my opinion a name is not needed, a face is not needed, because if this affects one child, it affects all of us. We need to elevate ourselves to the point where child-rearing decisions are not only for the benefit of the parent.

People may ask why write such a negative story. This story is to help someone anonymously vent a lifelong secret, a burden. The next reason is some young person, that this may be happening to, may read and see how abnormal being treated like that is. It might also help someone feel encouraged to help an oppressed child. I want to also urge people to respect children's rights to love, privacy and dignity. This is also for her family who could try to open their eyes and see what was going on under their noses and what they might have actually helped to propagate.

*Patsy & *Lilah are made up names to protect the identities of the two women, because of an expressed wish for anonymity. Readers will be advised further that while all are encouraged to read for the purpose of enlightenment, it is a very serious subject matter that is going to be dealt with.

I created this amateur video to indroduce a new series that I intend to delve into. A touching true story about a girl from my country and the effects of Emotional Abuse from a Trinidadian viewpoint. The nature of the topic will be a serious one. I do hope to bring awareness of a topic that needs not be hidden anymore. It is not my intention to alienate anyone, but these things need to be discussed and aired out. If we help save the children, we save us. I hope that I can help in some way. The name of the video: Motherless child. It was recorded at home and I did the Graphics on my lunch hour.

Yay for the Environment! No for the Aluminium Smelter! Please don't make me go and live deep in de forest! Why did none of the attendees of the 5th Summit of the Americas not enquire about this issue? If you can comment.

The Summit of the Americas & Doubles/Slight pepper

Well I have just finished having my lunch, which was quite late. Hot dhal and rice with a dash of my husband's pepper sauce temporarily graced my plate. As most would already be privy to the Summit of the Americas being held in Trinidad & Tobago, where I am from. The thing is, some of us in the islands seem extremely willing to turn food into our comforter, our saviour, our mask when we prefer not to talk about real issues. This is in no way meant to criticize our food in Trinbago or in any other island, but we need to see and highlight all the aspects of where we come from without false-pride.

As I put on the television to somehow help enhance my meal. I was obviously greeted with almost all the channels focused on every little Summit detail, which leader said what and to whom. I take a minute to apply my alcolado before saying this: The Prime Minister of Trinidad & Tobago Mr. Patrick Manning jokingly and lovingly said to Evo Morales on more than one occasion that if he would indulge himself in some of our local cuisine, like doubles or corn soup, he would feel like a new man and would be cured of all weaknesses and maladies ensuing from his five day hunger-strike.

Now I get it. I know that it was a joke, but some of these leaders as per Bruce Golding in these times of almost infinite and political unrest are really putting themselves to task trying to solve their economic dilemmas. Leaders like him are truly and constantly trying to find ways of becoming a 'New Man' or woman as the case might be. They don't hide behind the cloak of food.

To some this might be a light issue, but every time I listen to music or poetry or look at art concerning the Trinidad and to an extent some other Caribbean islands it almost always focuses on food and delicacies. I mean I live here and I have to continue living here. Are these artists that write about the food in Trinidad & Tobago saying this is the only thing that keeps them here? If so I am scared. Someone please forget pride and sing a song of protest against the proposed Aluminium Smelter because I think if we let Mr. Manning continue with its development Environmentally speaking, we will be at a dirty, dirty place. The area of the land mass in Trinidad is too small to become host to such a thing, so much so that it would not matter in the morning if I get to eat doubles, peas, rice and callalloo or roti and pow and all the other delightful delicacies.

We have to be able to express our selves properly or we will be going down infinitely. Peas & Rice is only there to provide sustenance. What about our minds and our hearts I would like for us to do something real.

Welcome

I would like to welcome you to this blog of mine. I took the initiative to do this because I have searched and found little information on the web about things Caribbean. What I will try to do in this blog is cover all the topics that affect all of us but giving it a Caribbean slant. I will cover issues some light hearted like Daily life, Food, Culture, Music, to more serious issues like Kidnap, Childrearing, Teenage pregnancy, Politics and the Environment.

I would encourage Trinidadians and other West Indians livings in other countries to pop in as I would eventually put focus on interesting things about a specially featured Caribbean island, so look out for your country!.

It is time for us to acknowledge the greatness, the beauty and the complexity of the Caribbean. Sun, sea and sand in symbiosis with real everyday issues. Look out for the upcoming insight on Trinidad & Tobago in terms of the ongoing Summit of the Americas that we are hosting and a specially featured favourite Trinidadian fruit. Those of you who have not been to the Caribbean, I would like to encourage you to still visit and seek us out. We have our problems, but then again, I cannot think of a country that does not.

Crystal Katerson