Readers are warned that parts of *Lilah's accounts may have disturbing imagery. Readers under the age of 16 should be guided by a responsible parent or guardian.
She often cries. This is frowned upon in a land where sun is so abundant, even for a woman. She would be frowned upon as stupid or weak, crazy even. What else can she do holding a burden of a secret, she barely realised that she was keeping? She thought that it was common knowledge: what she went through. She had no idea of the 'Johari window' that bound her when she was a child and still as an adult. The name 'she' could be translated into *Lilah for ease and to prevent awkwardness of the reader.
*Lilah walks in shame as she wonders what her family thinks about her. She was an extremely gifted child. She was supposed to go to University, marry a well-to-do man and have one son and one daughter. Now she struggles to make a living, with jobs that sound prestigious but pay almost nothing. She rarely has the confidence to refuse jobs that make her feel like a doormat. She feels judged and always lacking.
*Lilah admits that she tends to keep away from her friends and family, something that they would hardly be able to understand. All they know is that this was bubbly, smart and confident girl barely looks the part anymore. What they do not know is that this break down of a façade was long being orchestrated. It pains her that she can never tell them the ultimate truth about her beginnings, because of fear of their disbelief.
The tears are always a blink away with her. As she recalls readily how her mother almost destroyed her life and is presently destroying her own. In a society that is still steeped in superstition and witchcraft and non-admittedly so, her mother never got the proper medical help that she deserved. She admits she watches some people walking through the town streets with their mothers and she has to look away, in jealousy. Why can't her mother go shopping with her on a sunny day and talk and laugh and trade things?
Instead, she has a story of what she refuses to call abuse. She uses the word mistreatment and neglect in it's stead. Her mother's secret weighs down on her as she has been made to sometimes be lumped or classed with her mother as one in the same. That sentiment that she swears she notices from even her family members hurts her too much, because to herself she is a woman that tried so hard to work and provide for herself from an age that she felt that she was able to.
She was conceived through a tryst that was never completed. One that would work to the advantage of her fundamentalist mother, who would go on to claim a miraculous conception.
She often cries. This is frowned upon in a land where sun is so abundant, even for a woman. She would be frowned upon as stupid or weak, crazy even. What else can she do holding a burden of a secret, she barely realised that she was keeping? She thought that it was common knowledge: what she went through. She had no idea of the 'Johari window' that bound her when she was a child and still as an adult. The name 'she' could be translated into *Lilah for ease and to prevent awkwardness of the reader.
*Lilah walks in shame as she wonders what her family thinks about her. She was an extremely gifted child. She was supposed to go to University, marry a well-to-do man and have one son and one daughter. Now she struggles to make a living, with jobs that sound prestigious but pay almost nothing. She rarely has the confidence to refuse jobs that make her feel like a doormat. She feels judged and always lacking.
*Lilah admits that she tends to keep away from her friends and family, something that they would hardly be able to understand. All they know is that this was bubbly, smart and confident girl barely looks the part anymore. What they do not know is that this break down of a façade was long being orchestrated. It pains her that she can never tell them the ultimate truth about her beginnings, because of fear of their disbelief.
The tears are always a blink away with her. As she recalls readily how her mother almost destroyed her life and is presently destroying her own. In a society that is still steeped in superstition and witchcraft and non-admittedly so, her mother never got the proper medical help that she deserved. She admits she watches some people walking through the town streets with their mothers and she has to look away, in jealousy. Why can't her mother go shopping with her on a sunny day and talk and laugh and trade things?
Instead, she has a story of what she refuses to call abuse. She uses the word mistreatment and neglect in it's stead. Her mother's secret weighs down on her as she has been made to sometimes be lumped or classed with her mother as one in the same. That sentiment that she swears she notices from even her family members hurts her too much, because to herself she is a woman that tried so hard to work and provide for herself from an age that she felt that she was able to.
She was conceived through a tryst that was never completed. One that would work to the advantage of her fundamentalist mother, who would go on to claim a miraculous conception.
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