Lights Off!

The only thing that has her not fully withdrawn is the fact that she still attends school. She has cried now too many times for a girl of her age. She hides from most of her family and her grades that were once stellar, are now down to zero. She is even taunted by some family members about that. She remembers them telling her that she was not that bright a child anymore in a gloating way. The members of the home were exhausted, they were reduced to almost shambles trying to figure out what was wrong with Patsy.

Lilah still keeps her mother's secrets and barely answers to the family when they pose questions to her about her mother. At this time her mother would make her turn the lights on and off, on and off for sometimes up to ten or more times if the lights were turned on in her mother's opinion too early or too late. When Lilah asked her why she would make her do things like that, she would just insinuate that something had made Lilah a bad child, the worst child in the family and that she was giving her training so that she could be more obedient.

With glossy eyes she relives the experience of having to share a bed with a sick-minded person such as Patsy. She recalls a night when she was ready to go to sleep and took off the light. Though her mother was not doing anything, she told her that she did not want the light off yet and she made Lilah put it back on. Lilah did so with reluctance and went to lie down complaining about why she had to try to fall asleep with such glaring lights.

Trying to sleep, a half hour past and her mother who was sitting up as Lilah lay, indicated to Lilah that she could now take off the lights. Frustrated, Lilah refused. Her mother got up and stomped up and down the length of the bed proclaiming that she will make her get up and take off the light. Refusing to move, Lilah is scared at the thought of her mother's rage, she begins to cry covering her face from the light with the pillow.

Patsy now becomes adamant, wild and takes up a knife: one of the many utensils that she keeps in the bedroom. She threatens Lilah with it demanding that she get up and take off the light. Lilah says at that point not wanting to give in to her mother's irrational behaviour made her not move. She reasoned to her mother that she was the one that wanted the lights on and when she felt she was done she should take them off. Her mother is enraged and tries to scare her into getting up. Lilah tells her if you are the one standing, why can't you just take off the lights? With that comment Patsy takes the knife and sticks it under Lilah's hip as she lay on the bed frightened. Lilah, with the pillow on her head and tried to stifle herself, just to get away from the fear. She prays to God for the strength to kill herself. The strength never comes.

What's Cooking!

Her Tuesday, a time when she is twelve years old and attending high school. She awakes not to the scent of eggs being poached or Trinidadian bake and smoked herring, but to rotted urine. She curses memories of this. To live in a time when most people had forsaken the use of the latrine and welcomed indoor plumbing. Other children like herself enjoyed the use of this luxury as well as their parents, most of them having grown up after that not having ever seen any of their parents' body waste.

Lilah was not that lucky, though her mother had a bathroom facility adjoining the bedroom they shared, she could not understand why her mother lay in one place all day and used a potty when it was time to go to the bathroom. When asked if she was sick she would refuse to answer madating to Lilah that it was her duty to throw out her waste, which most of the time consisted of days old urine and menstrual blood intermingled with bathroom tissue. The potty would almost be tumbling over with this fetid mess. Sometimes to avoid having to throw it out at that stage, Lilah would try to get rid of it when it was fresh or at least a day old. Her mother would spitefully demand that she not throw it out at that stage, sometimes aggressively cursing her. She was always to wait until it was past its rotted state before it was thrown out.

Why Lilah did her mother's bidding? She said that she was confused by her mother's self-proclaimed godliness and would get the feeling that she was sinning if she disobeyed her mother's orders. She was constantly criticized and put down or made to believe that she was like her barely known father when she disobeyed. When she asked her mother why she was being made to do such things her mother told her that she had done the same for her mother and could not complain, which even to me had no basis in common sense because in the times her mother would have grown up, they had used latrines or outhouses. In my opinion rational people generally want their children to have better experiences than they did growing up.

Lilah said that she even came to the point where she refused to throw out the waste and her mother bluntly told her, 'You have to do it because I wiped your bottom when you were a baby!' 'I never asked to be born', Lilah retorted. Patsy promptly told her that that was an evil and ungrateful thing for a child to say. Lilah would go on living with the belief that it was not worth telling anyone because she was being punished for her mother letting her be born. Her mother either directly or indirectly told her that almost all the members in the family did not like her, she began to believe that and that if she had told on her mother, that she would tell the family what a bad child she was. She feared that she would have nowhere to live. Wow!

People often look at the father as the parent capable of abuse, when we hear of such cases as Lilah's some might even feel that Lilah's mother was just a victim of single parenthood. When the father is the perpetrator of the abuse, they call him sick and sadistic. A systematic and abusive mother should be called the same, especially in this time of gender equity.

Precious Time

She wakes up in the morning to a mother that has no friends and praises her own self while finding fault in others, a tactic *Lilah claims was like to a child a sneaky form of brainwashing, because *Lilah actually began to believe that her mother was perfect. *Patsy would readily proclaim, 'Why can't people think like me?' Her mother would also tell her that she did not want any friends and that she could have if she wanted to, but friends cause too much trouble.

She tries to make her way to school, clinging on to the watch that her uncle gave her as a gift because of her stellar performance in her grades. Her mother takes it away, telling her that she would not need the watch at school and that she needed it more than *Lilah did. *Lilah was crushed. She would sullenly look on as her mother neurotically ate an almost 5 inch mound of food with the watch clasped in her soiled hands. *Patsy compulsively looked at the watch every minute, every second. The watch would be covered with rotted sauces from food, so much so that you could not tell the time without scraping the food from the watch's face.

*Lilah still hoped that one day the watch would be hers again. Her uncle had instructed her to wear the watch every day. When he realized that she was not wearing it, he would enquire what had happened. * Kara felt afraid and dared not tell the truth that would expose her mother's behaviour. Instead, she would claim that she had forgotten to wear it. An excuse that would make her uncle frown and she thought, seemingly believe that she did not appreciate the gift and that she was ungrateful and irresponsible. She said that she would then go on to live a life of making herself look erratic to hide her mother's secrets. She admits she does not know how she passed her examinations to go on to Secondary school.

Child abuse has many infestations, sexual abuse and flat out physical abuse emotional are all damaging, but what is surprising to me as I was doing research is that Emotional abuse can be most volatile as it may not be as readily detected and proved like Sexual Molestation and Physical Abuse. Most people cannot prove it. It destabilizes the child in a vicious way, a case of your word against mine with no physical evidence to prove any misdeed. Children as such, go on to be sometimes mislabeled mentally unstable.


What is also saddening is that like hazing, it can lead to a lifetime of self-destructive tendencies. Can you identify children in your neighbourhood like this, or even perhaps in your family?

It begins

*Patsy, *Lilah's mother walked around with an advancing girth and lambasted and berated anybody who would dare tell her that she was pregnant. As a 32 year old woman obsessed with religion and thoughts of God, pregnancy out of wedlock had to be denied, forget that pesky belly, it was the product of witchcraft she would claim. 'Somebody put something in mih belly, and it moving too!'

After being urged to stop denying the presence of an infant in her womb, *Patsy went to the doctor who officiated the pregnancy and informed her that she was 7 months pregnant. That would trumpet the start of a mania involving the number 7. She would then tell *Lilah that she had a dream of a number 7 floating from heaven coming down to her gate (she claimed that it was Jesus) and that he shook her hand and congratulated her. It was no surprise *Lilah was born an exact 7 pounds. She still does not know how she pulled that one off.

Does *Lilah look like a saviour? Why, I do not know. She is an overweight 23 year old that looks like the weight of the world is on her shoulders. She barely finished school and makes fairly low wages. She looks down as she tells me that she is also not well liked. Sad to say earlier in life she had started to show promise as a gifted child, but was stunted by the same person who touted her supposed divinity.

*Lilah's father quickly disappeared, from her life, she reasons that he walked away from the weird woman he had sex with and her child that issued from that. She had to go through a lifetime of pretending to make her father believe that they were doing well, even though they were extremely poor, part due to her mother's refusal to work. She proclaims that her mother never worked a day in her life and has more or less sat in a room alone just thinking about God going to church on rare occasions.

I wondered what makes some people so obsessed with God and have delusions of being the chosen one. It is perplexing how many people in this world today of so many religions believe that they are the 'Chosen One'.

This was *Lilah's Sunday

Caribbean Translation: Welcome

Caribbean Translation: Welcome

It Begins

Readers are warned that parts of *Lilah's accounts may have disturbing imagery. Readers under the age of 16 should be guided by a responsible parent or guardian.


She often cries. This is frowned upon in a land where sun is so abundant, even for a woman. She would be frowned upon as stupid or weak, crazy even. What else can she do holding a burden of a secret, she barely realised that she was keeping? She thought that it was common knowledge: what she went through. She had no idea of the 'Johari window' that bound her when she was a child and still as an adult. The name 'she' could be translated into *Lilah for ease and to prevent awkwardness of the reader.

*Lilah walks in shame as she wonders what her family thinks about her. She was an extremely gifted child. She was supposed to go to University, marry a well-to-do man and have one son and one daughter. Now she struggles to make a living, with jobs that sound prestigious but pay almost nothing. She rarely has the confidence to refuse jobs that make her feel like a doormat. She feels judged and always lacking.

*Lilah admits that she tends to keep away from her friends and family, something that they would hardly be able to understand. All they know is that this was bubbly, smart and confident girl barely looks the part anymore. What they do not know is that this break down of a façade was long being orchestrated. It pains her that she can never tell them the ultimate truth about her beginnings, because of fear of their disbelief.

The tears are always a blink away with her. As she recalls readily how her mother almost destroyed her life and is presently destroying her own. In a society that is still steeped in superstition and witchcraft and non-admittedly so, her mother never got the proper medical help that she deserved. She admits she watches some people walking through the town streets with their mothers and she has to look away, in jealousy. Why can't her mother go shopping with her on a sunny day and talk and laugh and trade things?

Instead, she has a story of what she refuses to call abuse. She uses the word mistreatment and neglect in it's stead. Her mother's secret weighs down on her as she has been made to sometimes be lumped or classed with her mother as one in the same. That sentiment that she swears she notices from even her family members hurts her too much, because to herself she is a woman that tried so hard to work and provide for herself from an age that she felt that she was able to.

She was conceived through a tryst that was never completed. One that would work to the advantage of her fundamentalist mother, who would go on to claim a miraculous conception.

Come by tomorrow for identifying the signs of Childhood Emotional Abuse, or for any age on that matter.

Sunday to Sunday series

Sunday to Sunday.

This is a new series that I am embarking upon. Translating accounts of Caribbean stories, that have little to do with sun, sea and sand, but everything to do with what goes on beyond the sand, when people go through rainy days.

The topic that I am about to delve into is an extremely serious topic. There will be some graphic accounts of a young lady that opts to remain anonymous, because of fear of familial embarrassment and rebuttals. I will break down events in her life that account for emotional abuse and manipulation from her mother *Patsy- a single parent. The young woman *Lilah is still in the process of coming to terms with her experiences and hopes to touch the lives of other young men and women who at present may be under the oppressive veil of abuse.

It is an account of key points and events in her life broken down into one week- Sunday to Sunday. I hope that the readers can respect the girl's request for anonymity. In my opinion a name is not needed, a face is not needed, because if this affects one child, it affects all of us. We need to elevate ourselves to the point where child-rearing decisions are not only for the benefit of the parent.

People may ask why write such a negative story. This story is to help someone anonymously vent a lifelong secret, a burden. The next reason is some young person, that this may be happening to, may read and see how abnormal being treated like that is. It might also help someone feel encouraged to help an oppressed child. I want to also urge people to respect children's rights to love, privacy and dignity. This is also for her family who could try to open their eyes and see what was going on under their noses and what they might have actually helped to propagate.

*Patsy & *Lilah are made up names to protect the identities of the two women, because of an expressed wish for anonymity. Readers will be advised further that while all are encouraged to read for the purpose of enlightenment, it is a very serious subject matter that is going to be dealt with.

I created this amateur video to indroduce a new series that I intend to delve into. A touching true story about a girl from my country and the effects of Emotional Abuse from a Trinidadian viewpoint. The nature of the topic will be a serious one. I do hope to bring awareness of a topic that needs not be hidden anymore. It is not my intention to alienate anyone, but these things need to be discussed and aired out. If we help save the children, we save us. I hope that I can help in some way. The name of the video: Motherless child. It was recorded at home and I did the Graphics on my lunch hour.

Yay for the Environment! No for the Aluminium Smelter! Please don't make me go and live deep in de forest! Why did none of the attendees of the 5th Summit of the Americas not enquire about this issue? If you can comment.

The Summit of the Americas & Doubles/Slight pepper

Well I have just finished having my lunch, which was quite late. Hot dhal and rice with a dash of my husband's pepper sauce temporarily graced my plate. As most would already be privy to the Summit of the Americas being held in Trinidad & Tobago, where I am from. The thing is, some of us in the islands seem extremely willing to turn food into our comforter, our saviour, our mask when we prefer not to talk about real issues. This is in no way meant to criticize our food in Trinbago or in any other island, but we need to see and highlight all the aspects of where we come from without false-pride.

As I put on the television to somehow help enhance my meal. I was obviously greeted with almost all the channels focused on every little Summit detail, which leader said what and to whom. I take a minute to apply my alcolado before saying this: The Prime Minister of Trinidad & Tobago Mr. Patrick Manning jokingly and lovingly said to Evo Morales on more than one occasion that if he would indulge himself in some of our local cuisine, like doubles or corn soup, he would feel like a new man and would be cured of all weaknesses and maladies ensuing from his five day hunger-strike.

Now I get it. I know that it was a joke, but some of these leaders as per Bruce Golding in these times of almost infinite and political unrest are really putting themselves to task trying to solve their economic dilemmas. Leaders like him are truly and constantly trying to find ways of becoming a 'New Man' or woman as the case might be. They don't hide behind the cloak of food.

To some this might be a light issue, but every time I listen to music or poetry or look at art concerning the Trinidad and to an extent some other Caribbean islands it almost always focuses on food and delicacies. I mean I live here and I have to continue living here. Are these artists that write about the food in Trinidad & Tobago saying this is the only thing that keeps them here? If so I am scared. Someone please forget pride and sing a song of protest against the proposed Aluminium Smelter because I think if we let Mr. Manning continue with its development Environmentally speaking, we will be at a dirty, dirty place. The area of the land mass in Trinidad is too small to become host to such a thing, so much so that it would not matter in the morning if I get to eat doubles, peas, rice and callalloo or roti and pow and all the other delightful delicacies.

We have to be able to express our selves properly or we will be going down infinitely. Peas & Rice is only there to provide sustenance. What about our minds and our hearts I would like for us to do something real.

Welcome

I would like to welcome you to this blog of mine. I took the initiative to do this because I have searched and found little information on the web about things Caribbean. What I will try to do in this blog is cover all the topics that affect all of us but giving it a Caribbean slant. I will cover issues some light hearted like Daily life, Food, Culture, Music, to more serious issues like Kidnap, Childrearing, Teenage pregnancy, Politics and the Environment.

I would encourage Trinidadians and other West Indians livings in other countries to pop in as I would eventually put focus on interesting things about a specially featured Caribbean island, so look out for your country!.

It is time for us to acknowledge the greatness, the beauty and the complexity of the Caribbean. Sun, sea and sand in symbiosis with real everyday issues. Look out for the upcoming insight on Trinidad & Tobago in terms of the ongoing Summit of the Americas that we are hosting and a specially featured favourite Trinidadian fruit. Those of you who have not been to the Caribbean, I would like to encourage you to still visit and seek us out. We have our problems, but then again, I cannot think of a country that does not.

Crystal Katerson